Scientists Identify New "Baked Bean" Gene On The Male Chromosome

 

A team of female scientists at the prestigious Petaluma Institute For The Study Of Disgusting Guy Stuff has mapped a new area on the male "Y" chromosome that regulates certain aspects of digestion in lab mice. The gene, dubbed the "Baked Bean Gene," elicits a gastro-intestinal phenomenon known to physiologists as the Frequent Advent of Rear-oriented Transgassification, or FART.

 "We've known for years," said research group director Dr. Phyllis Golightly-Upwind, "that the FART was a uniquely male phenomenon. Women simply don't do it. Thus we concluded that some sort of genetic mechanism must reside on the 'Y' chromosome."

Golightly-Upwind expressed optimism that their research might eventually translate into saving human lives. "Studies have shown that a roomful of guys watching a basketball game can often reach methane concentrations bordering on explosive," she said. "Few people realize that we could be just one playoff double-overtime away from a major disaster."

In the meantime, Dr. Golightly-Upwind's team continues to study other male phenomena. They believe that they might eventually find such genetic markers as an Unclean Gene to account for the male's inability to properly vacuum a living room, a Mean Joe Green Gene to explain American football, and the long-sought-after Charlie Sheen Gene to account for men's affinity for mediocre films and prostitutes.

Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball